Hello and welcome to your local The TapHandles. If you’ll have a seat, someone will be right with you.
Our state of the art production facility at Bangor Court employs only the most unemployed musical craftsmen. Our use of technology boarders on the occasional. We here at The Taphandles specialize is the manufacture, distribution, and installation of top quality musical goods and services.
There are several reasons why you should chose The TapHandles to provide most or all of your musical needs.
- Quality - We have a rigorous testing procedures that ensure only the highest quality products end up on your doorstep. These procedures may or may not involve animal testing, and those animals may or may not be members of The TapHandles.
- Privacy – When you shop with us, you can rest assured that all your personal information will be both widely and evenly distributed among our friends and colleagues.
- Culture – We here at The TapHandles value team building exercises. Not just worksheets and sensitivity training, but also rope courses and un-reciprocated trust falls.
- Just-In-Time Delivery – Highly trained delivery technicians will bring our musical products and services to your next event, even before you order them! Once they arrive, our musical products and services won’t leave. Especially if there’s beer, or dancing.
- Friendship – The TapHandles will be your friend. Not just on Facebook, but real friendship. The kind where we hold your dog while you puke in our sister’s purse.
We here at The TapHandles, want nothing but the best for you, your ears, dogs, cats, children, and ex-wives. That is why we strive each day to bring you the most refined, no-nonsense, quality musical experience that money could buy if it were so inclined.
Thank you for visiting, and remember, Synergism!
P.S. The TapHandles are a band that consists of mildly argument free brothers, Jacob and Lane Patterson, and the stout Irishman / Meat Dr. known as Sean Morrisey. We have been playing together since neigh-on 2009, and we are about to release an EP that we have poured our hearts and a large amount of beers into. We play rock music that you can dance and sing and Papier-mâché and live to. We hope you have a great life, because why the hell wouldn’t you…